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Trying to get my voice out!

Sunday, 29 December 2013


I realized a lot of thing about myself after I read half of book by Yasmin Mogahed, "Reclaim Your Heart".

I seek for friendship really hard. I tend to depend on it. I shouldn't done that. As I place my dependance wrongly, I am hurt by it. Allah is the One that I should depend the most. Afterall, Allah is eternal. And we human seek for eternity in every aspect of life.

I take friendship seriously. So serious that I felt greed. When we place our dependance wrongly, we never felt completely satisfied. The satisfaction is temporary. Although I am surrounded by a lot of friends, I still feel lonely. I become greedy. I become jealous of everything. I try to change myself. I find myself in a constant state of loneliness. I felt alienated and isolated. I miss being myself.

I am a person that care too much. If love can be count, I gave 10 to people that care for me when they gave me 3 sincere love. That kind of people is so special to me. So special that I specified them in every of my Du'a. Those are the people that I miss. I long for them.

I realized that all of these madness I currently having come from my problematic self. I neither blame nor hate other people. It my own self that I hate. I decided to break free from this shackle. I had enough. I couldn't care. I just wanna be free

On my way to München. Again

Saturday, 28 December 2013

Important Journey

I want to know everything
The answer to my question
The solution to my problem
I need to take that journey
To search the answer, the solution

But what journey should I choose?
a spiritual journey where I cleanse myself
a mental journey where I do a lot of thinking
a physical journey where I enjoy myself
Or take all of it at once?

Tuesday, 17 December 2013


I feel like I'm in desert right now. Alone an waiting for some reply. I applied a lot for a placement in a company. But I only received one respond. Alhamdulillah that only respond leads to Interview. But thats it. Dead silence after that.

Searching a placement for internship has definetely on top of my "Thing I hate to do in Germany" list. Searching for an apartment is now at second place.

Too desperate for a placement. ○| ̄|_

Saturday, 14 December 2013


There are 2 type of fate. The one that we can control and the one that we can't control. But as a servant of Allah, effort is the most inportant thing.

Fate determine with who and when we get marry.
I used to think that I should wait for the love of my life. But my friends once said, people that wait without any work are useless. Strike right at my heart. Touched.

Islam never treat their woman as a Princess. They treat us woman as both a Queen and a warrior. I don't want to be like Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty waiting to be rescued, giving themselves to any man that rescue them. I want to a woman that free myself from any oppression and obstacle. I want to choose for myself. Like Siti Khadijah r.a that choose to proposed Prophet Muhammad pbuh. I want to find my own best Prince by myself.

I once read a comment of a father shared in Facebook.

“If my daughter that ask my permision to get marry is a girl that mingle among guys, go home late at night, I never let her marry the guy. But if my daughter is a girl that respect herself, wear proper clothes and obidient to Allah and His Prophet, I'll be more that happy to marry my daughter. A good Woman is for a good man and vice versa”

I need to prepare myself.
I need to be better.
I need to be worthy.

I already prepared my step. I just need a proper time to execute the plan. After study or final year of my bachelor would be a good time InsyaAllah.

I'll make sure Iqa will always be by my side for every step I make. I need some support.
After my parent, Iqa will be the one that know everything first. I want Iqa by my side through every step towards marriage, Engagement and tying the knot.

Friday, 13 December 2013

Peel My Skin

Heartbroken    +     PMS     ⇨    Time Bomb

Regret everything on my mind
Not normal, dude!

Friday, 6 December 2013

Why Sometimes I Choose to Travel Alone

1) Fun
There is a different kind of fun I get when I travel alone. Surely having companions fun, but when I travels alone, I enjoy the time with myself.
2) Control
When I travel alone, I get to control everything. I can visit any place I want, I can eat anytime I want, I can walk at my own pace etc. I don't get this kind of control when you travel in group although you are the leader of the group.
3) “Me” time
Since I started travel alone, I know my own ability. I know what I can do. Travelling alone also help build my confidence. I learn to trust and look at myself better.
4) No negative Feeling.
This part probably triumph the reason why I travel alone. People don't have to put up with my attitude and I don't have to put up their attitude. Its mutual. I don't have to worry about what other thinks about me or what I think about them. I travel happier without any feel of discomfort. I can concentrate more on my holiday too. I hate the feeling when I hold up everything I feel.
Surely I love to travel with other people. But for me, my ideal group travel is 4 people. Less is better. When its about travelling, I agree with Sheldon Cooper. More is not merrier. It is sometime suffocating.

Who Knew...

Who knew that we now can be this close?
Who knew we seek each other when we search for travel companions?
Who knew we enjoy our time around each other?
Who knew we will established a self-proclaimed “Geng Jalan”?

We were once barely knew each other.
We were once barely speak with each other.
And now look where we are.
Thanks for fun I always have, Geng Jalan

Tribute from a friend that miss :
# Iqa, Che Mat, Hakim - I can't wait for upcoming summer plan
# Tika Masjuni, Mizan, Wak - Having you guys does make everything better

Saturday, 23 November 2013

Darul Al-Arqam

Al-Arqam adalah antara sahabat Rasulullah yang banyak menyumbang dalam perkembangan awal islam. Bila aku dengar nama ni je, otak aku akan automatically teringat tentang tempat Rasulullah menyampaikan Dakwah secara tersembunyi selama 3 tahun di Mekah. Betapa besar sumbangan Al-Arqam ni!


I recently had been invited for an interview for my Practical Semester next year. Although I had been taught about interview during my high school year with a so-called Mock Interview, it really can't help me overcome my fear for this interview. Fear of language barrier.

Having an Interview in my mother tongue, Malay or sometimes in English always give me the chills. But in German. Not only the language is a bit hard, I become more afraid thinking that the theme of my interview would be about analytical Chemistry at a chemistry-related factory. To be honest, I never stop having butterfly in my stomach ever since the Interviewer called me to inform the invitation. Yes, it was definitely a good thing because that is the first response I ever get since I applied as an Intern at multiple company. How I wish I can throw away all my fear and walk to the office later with confidence.

My aim for Internship during Practical semester is Analytical Chemistry. I love laboratory work compared to factory work. I also hope I can work on analytical chemistry in Forensic. Well, all those Police, Psychological, Crime dramas does a good job on influencing to be interested in Forensic.

Wish me luck for my interview on upcoming 29/11/2013. Your prayer helps a lot!

Friday, 22 November 2013

Kubis Masak Lemak Santan

Lately aku selalu rasa bosan sebab aku kalau buat lauk sayur macam style sama je. So ni other type of lauk sayur yang sangat senang nak masak and sangat sedap.

Kubis & Lobak merah (potong bite-size)
Santan (ikut berapa banyak kuah korang nak)
Ikan Bilis
Bawang Besar (dihiris)
Cili (dihiris)
Garam and Lada Hitam (perasa)

Cara2 Memasak
  1. Tumis bawang besar dan cili sampai wangi. Jangan sampai bertukar warna!
  2. Masukkan Santan dan masak sehingga mendidih. Pastikan santan sentiasa dikacau untuk elak pecah minyak. If kuah pekat sangat boleh tambah air.
  3. Kemudian masukkan semua bahan2 kecuali garam dan Lada Hitam
  4. Perasakan dengan Garam dan Lada Hitam secukup rasa

Sumber : my mama. ehehehe

Ayah of the Week #47

Indeed Allah is the one that take a good care of His Religion, Islam. As for what I observe, the more hate comments Islam get from the Media, the wider the truth about Islam spread. 


Sunday, 10 November 2013

Rant : Random Facts about Me

Never involve with REM sleep during the day. Lesson learnt! So since I can't sleep, I might as well update my blog with some random stuff.

3 Top Facts about Me

1) Pyjama Maniac
I guess the way my parent raised me up with multiple choice of pyjama have made me a pyjama maniac. I care more about my pyjama than clothes that I wear during the day. Pyjama seems bizzare in Malaysia if you are not a kid. I avoid wearing pyja when I was in boarding school because some of them will mock me. I guess the freedom in Germany give me the opportunity to collect pyjama

2) Camerawoman
Ever since I own a DSLR my love to Photography increase dramatically. I own a Nikon D40 that I bought from a friend. That camera is pretty basic and suitable for a beginner like me. I also long to own various type of lens but my brain keep telling me to master all basic photography technique first. I want to be a freelance photographer one day.

3) Woman of high determination
I can't be changed once I've decide on something. I'm also a person that will do everything that I had already decide. For example : I once confess to my crush after we both finish with our examination.
I also went for a trip to London alone since I want to go there so badly and none of my friends want to go with me. I also have decide to do something pretty crazy next year. Wish me luck.

Thursday, 7 November 2013

Strasbourg, France

Since we have an extra one day for the weekend, we decide to travel to Strasbourg, France. Strasbourg is a city in France located near to Germany's Border. As for my opinion, Strasbourg is not really a place where you can experience anything interesting (Perhaps because I visited Strasbourg in winter). The only happy feeling that I got when entering Strasbourg is happy, just because I am now outside Germany.

The only place that we visited were Petit France and its Cathedral. The buildings at Petit France is similar to the one in Bukit Tinggi, Malaysia. I guess Bukit Tinggi was inspired by Petit France, This area is surrounded by river which a really interesting tour boat operate within the area. The Cathedral is somehow similar to the one I visited in Köln, Germany. Since it was already dark, I really didn't have desire to take any photos because I know the result will be disappointing.

Well, here are the Photos

Low Self-Esteem

Jadi makhluk yang tak ada keyakinan diri macam aku ni memang susah. Nak cuba benda baru susah, suka pandang rendah kat diri sendiri. Aku cuba nak ubah tapi tak lama. after seminggu, aku akan kembali kepada diri aku yang lama.

Sunday, 27 October 2013


The virus has reached me! And it came from my younger brother Nadzmi. We did a lot of selfie. And somehow, I started doing it by myself although it is just a shy attempt.

Just Married!

... but not me. Last summer, 2 of my friend got married! It was Liyana as the girl's representative and Fauzan as the boy's representative. Oh my goodness! I never imagine that I will be attending my friends' wedding this early. Time sure fly faster now.

I manage to attend Liyana's Nikah (Wedding vow) in Manjung, Perak. She meet her husband in their university. Since the invitation was sudden, I didn't manage to bring any Present. Sorry Liyana, I'll buy you a gift next year when I'm in Malaysia.

And as for Fauzan's Wedding, I attended Kenduri (Reception) both side! Since I didn't know his wife, Iqa and I only plan on going to Fauzan's Kenduri at Parit Buntar. Alhamdulillah, somehow we were invited to the one in Titiwangsa as well. The both of them know each other is remarkable! Since I'm too lazy to type (blogging on smartphone), their story remain a secret. Just going to let you know a small detail of it : They met through our Friend's Umi.

Seeing they got married made me feel old and lonely! And after I came back to Germany, two of my other friends, Yusof and Farhana announce their marriage too.

post lemau!

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Eid Ul Fitr 2013

The opportunity to celebrate Eid in Malaysia a rare opportunity for someone like me who spend most of the year outside Malaysia. And I intended to enjoy Eid to the fullest.

My family spent our first day of Eid in  Perak. I was overjoyed because my grandmother's house in Perak perfectly fit our big family. When I talked about Eid in Perak, All I think is "Pulut Dakap", a sticky rice which were wrap in Bananas' leaves. Malaysian loves food and Eid is one of the Holiday with lots of delicious food
I attended my friend's Wedding on the second day of Eid. A few of my old schoolmates and I travelled all the way to Manjung, Perak to celebrate the first wedding in our batch. The 2 hours' journey was totally worth it when we saw Liyana's happy newly-wed face. Congratulation, Liyana and spouse!

Next, we visited Fikri's House since he also live in that area. After updating our story, we then went Home to Parit Buntar!

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Kepoh : Kenapa Aku Benci dengan Musim Pilihanraya

Nota Kepala : Ni pendapat aku. If korang tak suka, dipersilakan. Tapi jangan nak force pendapat korang kat aku. If suka, terima kasih. Aku rasa post ni kalau tulis in English tak feeling.

Sebab 1 : Sampah
Sampah memang merata2 kat Malaysia tu walau tak ada pilihanraya. Tapi bila musim pilihanraya ni, dia jadi extra. Macam2 bentuk sampah ada : Flyer, bendera, kain rentang dll. Malah sampah yang tak boleh nak lupus (Macai parti¹) pun timbul secara tetibe. Memang benda ni tak boleh nak elak sebab tanpa bahan2 cenggini acane orang nak berkempen meraih undi? Harap tuan punya bahan kempen tu bersihkan elok2 ye after pilihanraya.
Kalau parti terbabit berkebolehan dan dipercayai, tak ada bahan kempen pun orang sokong gak... Eh?! ^O^

Sebab 2 : Dosa
Bukan politik tu yang berdosa, tapi sikap2 orang yang berpolitik tu. Tahniah yang berpolitik secara bersih dan berakhlak musim pilihanraya ni. Aku kasi tabik spring satu. Yang dosa tu berpolitik cara kotor. Menipu, rasuah, fitnah, buka aib orang dll memang berganda2 bila musim pilihanraya.
Memang tak boleh ek nak bertanding dan bersaing secara sihat?

Sebab 3 : Gaduh
Disebabkan aku kat German, gaduh fizikal aku tak sure la ada ke tak. Tapi gaduh komen kat Facebook dengan Twitter banyak. Yang dulu baik jadi musuh, yang tak pernah kenal pun boleh bergaduh! Haish. Masing2 ada pendapat masing2. Kita kena la hormat dengan pendirian orang lain, bukan paksa dia supaya sependapat ngan kita. Bila A wat status blabla, si B komen dok force idea dia kat A. Kalau sume orang sependapat, bosan la dunia ni. Contohnya : kalau sume suka dan perlu suka aiskrim coklat, maka aiskrim perisa lain takkan wujud. Kepelbagaian tu yang buatkan hidup kita unik dan seronok. Camtu la.

Sebab 4 : Full blast of Retardness
Kalau nak cerita bab Retardness ni, 5 posts pun tak cukup rasanya.Tapi cukup la nak simpulkan secara ringkas je kat sini. Tetibe je sume orang menunjukkan kebodohan masing2. Contoh : Si A mengamuk coz pembangkang nak hapuskan PTPTN, so susah la orang yang berpendapatan rendah nak belajar. Tak pelik ke? Diorang nak hapuskan PTPTN dan buat pendidikan percuma kot. Dah ada pendidikan percuma pun perlu PTPTN ke? Buat orang yang ternampak Status dan tweet sebegini, ignore je diorang. tak perlu nak komen maki diorang dan meletakkan diri korang se-level dengan diorang tu.

Sebab 5 : Mengungkit
Part ni aku paling tak suka. Selalu yang mengungkit ni, orang yang nak kalah je buat. "Saya dah bagi tuan2 blabla, tuan2 kena la undi saya" Ewah, tu tanggungjawab awak sebagai orang yang dipilih. Malah perlaksanaan blabla tu guna duit kerajaan/cukai daripada rakyat. Bukan duit poket awak. Haish.

Sebab 6 : "Ko tak reti bersyukur ke?"
ayat ni selalu ditujukan buat mereka2 yang menyebelahi pembangkang. aku ada terfikir gak pasal ni, tapi komen Cikgu Azmi kat status Munzir yang panjang berjela tu buat aku sedar. Semua yang kita dapat contohnya IPTA dan BR1M tu sebenarnya tanggungjawab kerajaan dan kita as rakyat berhak dapat semua tu terutama hal pendidikan. Takkan la disebabkan kebaikan berbakul2, kesalahan sesuatu pihak tu perlu dihiraukan. Itu pada aku adalah bersyukur dan bodoh. Contohnya : Ibu bapa A jaga si A dan adik-beradik dari kecil. bagi makan, pakaian semua. Pastu Ibu bapa A ni bunuh² adik A yang tak nak dengar cakap diorang. takkan la A nak terima je pembunuhan tu dan terus hidup macam tak ada apa2 yang berlaku?? Fikirkan...

Sebagai manusia yang datang belajar kat German atas tiket biasiswa macam aku ni, orang selalu kata "Oh, ko mesti la kena undi BN sebab ko kan student MARA." Dan selalunya aku akan balas dengan soalan balik. "Oh, duit MARA ni duit dari Parti BN ke? Bukan duit rakyat ke?" Disebabkan aku dapat biasiswa ni, aku bound to balas budi rakyat dan negara bukannya parti politik.

Aku juga rasa orang yang dah matang berhak berbicara tentang apa saja yang dia percaya dengan pendirian politik dia selagi dia tak melanggar undang2 Islam. Matang fikiran taw, bukan matang tubuh badan. "Ko muda lagi nak bincang pasal politik." Oh, kalau orang cakap pasal couple or awek, ayat "Ko muda lagi nak bincang pasal couple/awek." tak terkeluar plak. Pemuda Pemudi melambangkan masa depan sesebuah negara tau. Kalau rosak pemuda pemudi, ccamtu jugak la nanti negaranya.

Sungguh aku kecewa sebab walaupun umur aku dah 21 tahun ni, aku tak berkesempatan untuk mengundi. Aku akan pastikan yang aku takkan terlepas untuk mengundi walau kat mana pun aku berada kat muka bumi ni. Aku nak berjuang atas apa yang aku percaya bawa kebaikan kat Malaysia, aku dan anak cucu aku nanti. Aku tak nak jadi orang yang merungut harga minyak naik tapi tak pernah nak mengundi sebab leceh.
Musim berpolitik ni, jangan sampai lupa apa yang datang dari Allah dan apa yand datang dari Manusia. Istilah "tolak UMNO, tolak rezeki" tu bodoh. Rezeki dari Allah bukannya manusia. Jangan lupa tu!!!
ok. tu je. Peace out! 웃

Pendapat aku ni mungkin tak indah kat mata korang. Tapi aku tak kisah. Aku dah luahkan apa yang aku rasa. Aku tak mampu nak bagi pandangan indah dan hebat macam Matlutfi90 atau Fynn Jamal, sebab aku ialah aku.

1. istilah ni berterabur kat Facebook dan Twitter.
2. tulis contoh ni sambil dengar lagu Trick and Treat oleh Kagamine Len wat aku rasa macam jahat sangat.

*Nah kentang untuk post yang panjang ni. o00o0o0*

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Malaysia, I'm home!

Warning : Long and boring post without pictures as I wrote this with my smartphone.
6:35 pm, 29th July 2013. I officially landed at KLIA after flying with Egyptair since 3.10 pm, 28th July 2013. As the plane approched KLIA, my friends and I somehow felt quite scared and nervous. We left Malaysia for 1 year 4 months to study in Germany. So, we thought the Changes in our country was scary. Perhaps the right word for us will be unprepared. 

Everything was smooth after we landed and collected our baggage. Somehow it is early than scheduled. Even my parent had to change their plan. They thought I be late same as their experience with my sister's arrival from Jordan. So they told me that they went for Maghrib first before KLIA. But since I was early, so the pick me up first

Malaysia succeed in getting all of my attention. People around me speak my Malay. Mosques are everywhere. Signboard that I can understand. Even the toilet with waterhose catch my attention! I hate europe for not having waterhose in toilet for a dry toilet. I must say that a dry toilet is clean but to think that I can't clean properly is disappointing. So everytime I go to the toilet, I always bring a bottle of water. The downside of the toilet is no toilet paper inside the cubicles.

Another things that catch my attention is the Price. The price sure change a lot during the past one year. Since I already get used to the price listing in Germany, I think that the thing in Malaysia are quite expensive. The crazy thing is, I find €3 is cheaper than RM12 although the value is almost the same after I change Euro to Ringgit Malaysia. For example : the price of medium size Frappucino. The price of milk in Germany is cheaper. In Germany, a 1L low fat milk cost €0,60 which means around RM1+. But when I went to Giant yesterday, the cheapest one I could find is RM4.80. I ended up not buying anything

And after spending almost 1 month in Malaysia. I still thinks all item are expensive

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

New Apartment!

I recently moved out from my Hostel to a new apartment with my friends Afiqah. The apartment is wonderful and fulfill everything we need. As for me, Living room is the heart of a house while for Afiqah, its the Kitchen and Bathroom. And Poof, we have everything in this apartment. So, enjoy the picture

Living Room 1

Living Room 2

Kitchen 1

Kitchen 1



My room 1

My room 2

My room 3

Since my final exam is around the corner, I could not spend a lot of time with my blog. Wish me luck.
Oh, I recently accidently become a fan of Kyary Pamyu Pamyu. Kya~

Thursday, 30 May 2013

Ayah of the Week #22

Scampi e Spinaci Vapiano

Kat Germany ni, lagi2 bandar tak famous macam Nürnberg ni, nak cari restaurant halal memang tak banyak. So makanan  yang hanya boleh ditelan hanyalah ikan & vegetarian. Dan ada satu restaurant nama Vapiano yang aku selalu pergi. Restaurant ni expert dalam masakan melibatkan pasta dan pizza. Dan unique nye, kita boleh tgok secara live macam mana chef tu masak makanan kita. Memandangkan aku selalu order Scampi e Spinaci (atau melayunya : udang dan bayam) ni, aku semacam dah hafal cara chef tu masak dan aku nak share version aku plak. hahaha. Bagi aku ni antara resepi pasta dan spaghetti yang mudah dan fancy

Untuk resepi ni, aku tak tahu samada mudah atau tak nak dapat bahan2 mentah yang pelik2 ni.

Pasta Berkrim dengan Udang dan Bayam

Pasta (Ini tersangat obvious! Pilih la apa jenis pasta yang anda suka)
Bawang Besar, dan bawang putih (dipotong dadu)
Pesto (sila google dan lihat gambar)
Cream (kat sini aku guna whipped cream yang belum di-whip)
Garam dan Lada Hitam
Chili padi (hanya untuk mereka yang hantu makanan pedas)
Keju (hiasan semata2)

1. Panaskan 4 sudu makan minyak.
2. Masukkan bawang besar dan bawang putih yang dah dipotong tadi.
3. Masukkan udang. Tumis smpi naik bau.(dalam 3-4 minit)

4. Masukkan cream (ikut kelikatan dan ras berlemak yang diingini) dan 2 sudu teh pesto
5. Masukkan bayam dan perisakan dengan garam dan lada hitam. kacau. (2-3 minit)

6. Masukkan pasta pilihan yang dah dilembutkan dan kacau sebati (1-2 minit)
7. Hidang dengan keju jika suka!

 Kenapa aku share resepi ni? sebab resepi ni senang sangat. yang paling penting cepat. Tak masuk waktu korang potong2 bahan2 tu, paling lama nak masak Scampi e Spinaci ni ialah 10 minit. dan aku sendiri selalu masak pasta macam ni bila aku malas nak masak tapi nak makan dengan kenyangnya. Selamat menjamu selera!

p/s : ignore picture tak berbayam tu. ak tak jumpa Spinach/Bayam/Spinat lagi kat pasaraya sini.
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